Morning of all Mornings

It is a brand new year. 2010. my posts are infrequent because i truly have to be inspired for me to write. be it inspired by sadness/frustrations or by happiness/glee...i must be inspired.

This morning in particular...i am writing because i am being inspired by the sheer giddiness of seeing karissa being a sweet, helpful, thoughtful, loving older sister to ella.

As i sit here drinking a cup of my everyday coffee, i am eavesdropping in on a secret bond between two sisters. they are running around squealing with delight. they are riding in a push car together. their giggles are so contagious. i am overhearing karissa say to ella, "Come here, baby, let me wipe your nose" while proceeding to gently wipe with a kleenex. or her saying to her little sister, "Oh ella, i love you very much" while giving her a hug. and even though ella has a streak of fierce independence and stubbornness. this morning, she is following karissa around and around the house. she is being obedient to karissa's commands. and she is laying her round head upon karissa's shoulders with a big grin on her little face.

And my heart, this morning, is completely filled with love for them, sap oozing from the tree. i want to hold them in my arms all day and kiss their pillowy cheeks. i want them to know how much i adore them, how much i am proud of them. but mostly, i am so thankful to God that He gives me these special mornings to refresh my soul.

Big E, Little e, What begins with E?

Ella's exceptional, excellent ears, E, E, E! Not only are your cute, little ears scrumptious enough to eat, but also your entire dainty face is completely irresistible to me. my favorite routine is plucking you from your crib after you have awoken from your slumber. my ears perk up when i hear you stirring, cooing, or crying from your room. i, then, walk over to your nursery door and slowly, gently turn the knob. you hear me immediately, and search for my face in between the slots of your crib. our eyes meet; the world is silent. and for a second, it's just you and me. mommy and ella. all else fades away. and then when i feel as if my heart will burst with immense love for you. you smile. and my cup overfloweth. i run to you and gather you in my arms. and the first thing i do is bury my nose in your hair. and your smell, that heavenly baby ella smell...makes me drunk with giddiness. and i fall in love with you again and again.

A Story.

Once upon a time, long before you were born, umma and dada were heartbroken. you see, they desperately longed to have a sweet little tot, such as yourself, but could not. they cried, and prayed, and prayed some more...but they were having such a hard time. one day, when it seemed hope was lost, umma found out she was pregnant with you. she was in complete and utter disbelief. her hands shook while she waited, again for the second time, for the pregnancy stick to say "yes" because she thought it was somehow a mistake. after she received her second comfirmation, she immediately called dada and asked him to come home straightaway. when dada finally did come home, he too stared at the pregnancy stick in disbelief. and with teary eyes, umma and dada embraced and thanked the Lord for His amazing grace(karis).

Minutes after you were born, the doctor placed you upon my chest. i looked down at you and the first thing i noticed was your curly, curly, full, dark hair. you were completely and utterly helpless. even though we had just met, you instinctively drew closer to the sound of my voice. and you lied there. and i held you. and i promised you that i would love and protect you.

And now here you are, more than two years later. the helpless innocent babe who once lied in my arms, is climbing up a spiral, grey slide. when once you were afraid, you now boldly, fearlessly ride down the tall slide. you are growing increasingly independent. and perhaps one day, you will even say to me...umma, i don't need your protection anymore. you will break my heart, and i will cry. and then i will respond and tell you this story. and i will say, once upon a time...

Frustrations

My frustrations are building up like a pile of unpaid bills. The moutain seems quite insurmountable! Gotta chug, chug, chug on through to the other side.

Oh Sweet Slumber...

How evasive thou art. i search for you late in the evening and early in the morning, but somehow i cannot reach you. i search for you high up on a moutain and down the low valley...and still cannot reach you. i run after you with my hair flying back hoping to rest my heavy head upon your shoulders. however, it is not meant to be. you somehow still manage to escape me. oh sweet slumber, how i wish you would indulge me.

Married Single Parent

that's me. that's what i call myself on days like today. where i am alone with the girls all day and all night. it's exhausting...and it makes me wonder how in the world true single parents do it? today was a rough day...karissa was acting up (which is strange because she usually never does when it's just me around). she got at least two mehm mehs and one time out. ella's napping schedule has been a little bit strange this week. adding onto the stress and exhaustion of the day.

on days like this, it's hard for me not to be bitter and annoyed. not at anyone in particular. but just at the situation. on days like this, it's difficult for me to put things into perspective. but i know i should. i know i must. all day...i took a deep breath and screamed silently inside. all day...i asked God to give me strength to make it to the next hour. and all day...He heard me silently shouting and held me closely in His arms.

Resemblance

my beloved angels: you two do not look alike, despite what others might say. however, there are two shared features which connect you two as sisters and best friends. you both have pillowy cheeks and plushy chins. i have kissed, kissed, and kissed these extravagant parts many a times. and i love how they are so wonderfully placed upon your sweet faces.